I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
