i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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