Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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