I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I love you. Go after that dick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
