So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
