Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
