i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
