Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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