How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
