I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are two peas in an std pod
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
