I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
