I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
