Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
