its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
