I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize