first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
