Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we should paint friendship bongs
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