you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize