It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
