Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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