I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
