btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
