Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
