carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
