I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
