WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i have two assholes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
