I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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