the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
