were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize