Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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