I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
