Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You pole danced in your parka.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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