Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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