they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
