I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
