you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
