were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
