i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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