I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize