He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
