I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
