I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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