Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
