I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
