quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
