Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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