White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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