you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
