Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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