i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
