my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
