the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
