so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
