OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
