dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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