How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
