Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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