Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
