O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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