I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
