So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
