Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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