just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
