alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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