at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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