Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
