Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
