If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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