you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
