You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They took my balls.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
