i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
