So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
