I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
