just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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